The Beat Of The Heart
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: She followed him out of the apartment, all the while desperately attempting not to conjure the worst outcomes in her mind. But it was an exercise in futility. All she knew was that she couldn't lose him. She just couldn't...
1. Chapter 1

The idea for this story came to me after several episodes of House, one episode of Sex And The City, and an episode from the mothership. Special thanks also go out to The Confused One, for pushing me to write this after I pitched the idea at random. I've been doing a lot of research on the subject, and I hope everyone will enjoy the ride.

Disclaimer: Not mine!

Warning: Plenty of smut in this first chapter. You've been warned...

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Carolyn felt breathless as Mike elegantly spun her around the wooden dance floor, one large hand resting on her back to hold her to him, while the other held her hand to his chest. The music was playing softly, but she wasn't listening to it. She was too busy staring up into his loving eyes.

Mike's lips curled up in a smile. "Did I tell you how beautiful you look, Carolyn?" he murmured, touching his lips to her forehead.

She blushed.

A chuckle rumbled through his broad chest as he held her closer and rested his chin on the top of her head. She felt amazing in his arms, and he was determined to keep that feeling forever. His hand slid up her spine, making her shudder against him. "I love you, sweetheart."

She slid her arms around his waist and pressed her face into his shoulder. "Love you too, Mike." And she did. She loved him more than she thought it was possible to love anyone.

He hugged her tighter, the moment perfect. Glancing around the room, he reluctantly released her, then dropped to one knee as she held her hand to her mouth in surprise.

"Mike...?"

He took her hand and reached into his pocket, retrieving the object that had been burning a hole in his pocket for weeks. "Carolyn... you know I've never been good with words. But I do love you, more than I've ever loved anyone."

A tear slid down her cheek as she squeezed his hand.

A shaky breath escaped him. "I want to marry you, Carolyn. I want to have kids with you." He had to pause to take a deep breath. "So I'm asking you... Will you be my partner for the rest of our lives?"

Unable to stop her tears, she reached down and took his other hand, gently pulling him to his feet. Then she buried herself in his arms. "Mike... Of course I'll marry you," she finally whispered.

He closed his eyes and kissed the top of her head. They both ignored the cheering and clapping of the people who had paused whatever they were doing to watch him propose.

After a few moments, he pulled away and gently took her left hand, sliding the diamond ring onto her left ring finger. "Perfect," he murmured as he took a moment to admire it on her hand.

She looked at the ring, then leaned up to kiss him softly as she wrapped her arms around him again.

He welcomed the kiss, slowly deepening it as he continued to twirl her around on the dance floor.

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Carolyn yawned and stretched lazily in the bed, then turned onto her side and slid her arm over Mike's waist. On the nightstand by the bed, the alarm clock read just after two in the morning, and she kissed his shoulder.

He stirred a little, but quickly settled back into slumber.

Her hand drifted over his chest and continued lower, stirring her back to the arousal he had sent her into a few hours ago.

Finally he turned over in her arms, draping his leg over hers as his mouth found hers.

She smirked and deepened the kiss as her hand drifted over the small of his back, gently pushing him further into her.

He groaned. "Carolyn..."

Silencing him with another kiss, she rolled onto her back, pulling him along with her as their tongues dueled for dominance.

Her legs went around his waist, and he groaned softly as he slid inside of her, his forehead resting gently against hers.

"Mike..." She gasped and tossed her head to the side as he moved faster and buried his face in her neck.

They reached their releases within moments of each other, and she groaned her protest when he kissed her and rolled onto his side.

At the beginning of their relationship, this movement, more often than not, confused Carolyn relentlessly. But as time went on, she slowly came to realize the trust he was putting in her. She turned onto her side and scooted closer to him, her front resting against his back as she slid her arm over his waist.

She knew his past. She knew that, in one way or another, most everyone in his life had abandoned him. From his father's death, to the numerous partners who had died or quit, to the many girlfriends she knew he had had before her. He had been abandoned too many times to count, and she was determined not to be one of those.

He sighed softly and stretched, then settled back in her arms.

Kissing his head, she pressed herself closer to him, then pulled the blanket over their entangled limbs.

A half hour passed, then an hour, and she was on the verge of sleep as she rested one hand gently over his heart. But something gave her pause.

She lifted her head and pressed her hand more firmly to his heart. There it was again... Something didn't feel normal. Fear seized her as she continued to feel the abnormality under her hand.

Finally she couldn't take it anymore, and she gently shook his shoulder. "Mike. Baby, wake up."

He snorted and groaned, turning over.

Frustrated, she shook his shoulder harder. "Logan, wake up."

His eyes finally fluttered open, and he was surprised to see concern and fear in her chocolate eyes. "Carolyn?" He reached up and touched her cheek. "What's wrong?"

"We need to go to the hospital."

Instantly he was wide awake, pushing himself up in the bed. "What? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

She shook her head and took his hand, resting it over his heart. "No, but something's wrong with you."

Fear crept into his features as she slid out of the bed and pulled on her pants. He could feel his irregular heartbeat against his palm, and he broke out in a cold sweat. It was all too familiar to him...

She sat beside him on the bed and reached out for his hand. "Come on, sweetheart. We're going to the hospital." She didn't care what time it was. She'd take being wrong and embarrassed over something happening to him anytime.

Slowly, stiffly, he rose to his feet and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt while she grabbed her phone and keys.

He had his hand over his heart again when she turned around, as though by keeping it there, he could make it disappear completely. Without a second thought, she closed the distance between them and hugged him tightly, sighing shakily. "It's going to be okay, Mike," she whispered, rubbing his back lightly.

He closed his eyes and tried not to tremble. After a few moments, he gently pulled away and gruffly said, "Let's go."

She followed him out of the apartment, all the while desperately attempting not to conjure the worst outcomes in her mind. But it was an exercise in futility. All she knew was that she couldn't lose him. She just couldn't.

TBC...

A/N: Well, there ya'll have it. Don't break out the pitchforks and flaming left shoes yet... the space under my sink is under construction. (hides under bathroom sink) I hope everyone enjoyed this first chapter, and be on the lookout for the second, coming your way soon.


	2. Tough

Wow, thanks everyone for all of your wonderful reviews. You're all great. So here's the next chapter. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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Carolyn had never felt more helpless than she did right then in that hospital room. Mike had managed to doze off, the cannula under his nose delivering pure oxygen into his nostrils and easing the task of breathing for him. As soon as they had arrived at the hospital and described the symptoms, he had been admitted into the Cardiac wing of the hospital, and she had refused to leave his side through the numerous tests and exams.

The heart monitor beside his bed beeped continuously, reassuring and frustrating her at the same time. She was reassured because as long as it made that noise, Mike was fine. But she was frustrated because it wouldn't be there if he was truly well.

She leaned forward and dropped her head, burying her fingers in her thick hair as she let out a shuddering sigh. All she wanted was to be able to take him home, perfectly healthy. But with each minute that passed, it was becoming more and more clear that it wasn't going to happen soon.

Forcing her eyes open, she reached out and rested her hand over his, squeezing it gently.

At the contact, he restlessly turned his head toward her, groaning softly. "Carolyn..." He coughed, his eyes fluttering.

She stood up and gently brushed his hair back with a soothing hand. "I'm here, baby," she whispered, squeezing his hand.

His eyes finally opened, and she saw the unspoken plea in his dark green eyes. Looking around, she sat down beside his head.

He lifted his head and laid it on her thigh, his breathing a little labored.

This didn't escape Carolyn's notice, and she made a mental note to tell his doctor when she saw him again. But right now, she was concerned with making him as comfortable and relaxed as she possibly could. Keeping his hand in hers, she used her right hand to gently caress his thick hair. "It's okay, sweetheart," she murmured, lacing her fingers through his. "Go back to sleep. I'll be right here."

He trembled and clung to her hand like a lifeline. He wasn't going to admit it, but he was afraid. No, he was terrified. He knew something was wrong. Her hand weaved gently through his hair, fractionally soothing his frazzled nerves. Without her, he would have probably been dead years ago. He couldn't imagine his life without her. She was his partner, his everything. As long as he had her, he stood a fighting chance.

She slid her hand from his hair to his shoulder, rubbing gently. If she had her way, she would never let him out of her arms again. At least there, she felt like he was safe, like she could protect him from anything and everything life could possibly throw at them. Gently, her hand slid under the sleeve of his hospital issued gown, stroking his warm skin.

Wearily, he pushed himself into a sitting position, then settled himself into her side. His head came to rest on her shoulder, while his left hand landed on her jean clad thigh.

Surprised, she automatically slid her arm around him and drew him closer, kissing the side of his head. He was seeking comfort, and she was more than willing to give it to him. Turning a little more, she reached down and drew the blanket around him again. She knew that she was mothering him, something he didn't like, but she didn't particularly care right then. This was something they both needed. She sighed heavily and pressed her face into his hair, a tremor going through her body.

He snuggled closer to her, sliding his arm around her slender waist and hugging her to him. "Carolyn..."

Her eyes shot open. "What is it, hon?"

He opened his mouth again, then decided better against it. "Never mind..."

She pressed her lips to his head again. Her hand came to rest against his heart, and she felt the traitorous, irregular beats again. Her body tensed.

He felt her tension, and he buried himself deeper in her arms, willing everything to be okay again. But he suspected that it was highly unlikely. Even if he lived, he somehow knew he would never be the same again.

She continued to hold him until she knew he was sleeping deeply and wouldn't rouse. Then she slowly slid away from him, situating him against the pillows before she returned to her uncomfortable chair by his bed. She knew that if she was going to be strong for him, she had to take care of herself, too. And that meant getting some sleep. She pulled the chair as close to the bed as she could, then laid her head down on his arm.

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A shrill, whining noise interrupted the quiet of the room and sent sheer terror through Carolyn's heart. Instantly she was on her feet, gripping Mike's hand as she yelled for a nurse. She pressed her fingertips to the inside of his wrist, but there was no pulse. "Mike, stay with me, baby," she pleaded, grateful when several nurses and doctors bustled into the room.

One of the nurses grabbed her arm and pulled her away from Mike's side, while another wheeled a crash cart up to his bed and charged the defribulators.

"Let go of me," she hissed, attempting to pull away from the nurse's grip. "He needs me. I have to stay with him."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but you can't. We need you to leave the room."

She continued to struggle, but the nurse gently pushed her out of the room. The last thing she saw was Mike's lifeless body as they shocked him in an attempt to restart his heart. Then the door was slammed in her face.

She stumbled backward into a hard wall, still staring blindly at the door that separated her from the man who had become her world. Who could possibly be dying, surrounded by people but completely alone because no one he knew was in there. If she lost him, she would never forgive herself for not being in there with him. For leaving him completely alone.

She slid down to the floor and wrapped her arms tightly around herself. "Come on, Mike. Wake up." She shuddered and stifled a sob. "Please... be okay. Just be okay."

She hunched over and buried her hands in her hair. "You're the most stubborn man I know. Please... show everyone else just how stubborn you are." She clenched her eyes shut. "Don't leave me," she whispered.

A tear fell down her flushed cheek.

TBC...

A/N: (evil grin) Yeah... Not much to say... (cough) Please review!


	3. If I Never Feel The Sun Shining On Me

Wow, this story has been a bit of a struggle. But I'm enjoying writing it, nonetheless. It took a while for me to find the right diagnosis (and if I screw it up, I'm only human. I did a crap load of research, but I'm no doctor). But I hope it's worth it. So here it is, the third chapter of The Beat Of The Heart. Enjoy, everyone!

For Podie1, cause she begged... and begged... and begged... ;)

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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It seemed like a lifetime passed before the door opened again, and Carolyn jerked her head up. "How is he?" she demanded anxiously, pushing herself off of the wall. "Can I see him?"

"It was touchy there for a few minutes, but he's stable now," Dr. Andrews replied. "You can go back in there."

Her shoulders slumped with pure relief, and she barely remembered to thank him as she hurried back into Mike's room.

The first thing that she noticed was that the cannula had been replaced by a full mask, and she trailed her finger lightly over the side of his face.

Her right hand came to rest lightly over his heart, reassuring her that he was in fact still with her. Every few moments, she stole a glance at the heart monitor, willing it not to break into the cacophony of shrill tones again. She didn't think that she could handle it.

A nurse smiled gently at her as she walked around the bed and slid a needle into his IV.

Carolyn watched her uneasily. "What is that for?"

"It will help him rest easier, without putting any strain on his heart." She looked at Carolyn sympathetically. "I'll bring you a blanket and a pillow. I get the feeling that you won't want to leave tonight, and your husband will probably sleep through the night." She slipped out of the room.

Carolyn didn't feel the need to correct her assumption that she was Mike's wife. In reality, even though they weren't legally married yet, she was the closest thing to family he had.

The door closed, and she carefully sat down on the edge of his bed, beside his waist. Sliding her hand into his, she squeezed it gently, unaware of anything else.

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"Mike, if one more nurse comes to me and tells me that you're flirting with them..." She let the threat hang in the air, unfinished.

He smiled charmingly at her. "You know I only have eyes for you, babe."

Chuckling, she reached over and adjusted his pillows, then dropped a gentle kiss on his forehead.

He reached out and caught her wrist with his hand, rubbing it gently as he studied her tired eyes. "You need to sleep..."

"I did sleep." She ran her fingers through his hair. "Don't worry about me, hon. I'm fine."

He huffed as the door opened, and Dr. Andrews walked in, a file in his hand and a frown etched into his forehead.

Almost unconsciously, Carolyn reached down and slipped her hand into Mike's, squeezing it tightly. "Hello, Dr. Andrews," she greeted him, but there was a touch of wariness in her voice.

He opened the file. "We have your results back, Mr. Logan."

Carolyn squeezed his hand again, as though to anchor him to her.

"I've consulted with several of my colleagues, and after looking at your scans... Your diagnosis isn't good."

Fear clutched at Carolyn's heart. Wasn't good? Was he dying? _Oh please God_... She struggled to steady her breathing.

"You have a atrial myxoma, which is a non cancerous tumor growing on your atrial septum, the wall that separates the two sides of your heart. It's fairly rare, and it's what caused your palpitations."

Carolyn swallowed hard. "Is he... going to be okay?" she finally asked. "What are you going to do about it?"

Andrews closed the file. "I've already booked an operating room for tonight." He looked at Mike. "We'll sedate you and open your chest cavity, then remove the tumor. Best case scenario, we'll get all of it, and you'll be able to go home in a week, with strict instructions for your diet, exercise, and work."

"And the worst case?" Mike wondered quietly.

"The tumor could grow back, or we may not be able to remove it." Andrew took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. "In that case, your symptoms will continue, and an embolism, or even sudden death could occur."

The last part caught Carolyn's breath in her chest. Sudden death... That meant that if untreated, this thing could kill the love of her life at any time. She closed her eyes, her stomach lurching.

"We'll come back in a few hours to prep you for the surgery." Andrews turned around and walked out of the room.

Mike could barely believe what the doctor had just told him, but Carolyn's trembling interrupted his train of thought. Grunting softly, he gathered her into his arms and pulled her against his chest, gently stroking her thick hair. "Shh, honey. I'm going to be fine. You heard the doctor. They're going to get this thing out of me, and I'll be home in a week." He kissed her head.

She clung to him fiercely as her tears fell. She couldn't lose him. If she did... She shuddered. She couldn't even think about it.

He held her closer. "Come on, Carolyn. Don't waste your tears on me. I'm going to be home before you know it, and you'll be taking better care of me than these nurses ever could. I know it."

His words were spoken with confidence, and she buried her face in his neck, hoping that he would be right. But she had to believe it. She had to believe that in a week, he would walk out of this place with her. If she didn't, she would lose her sanity.

He gladly held her, unaware of the passing hours until the door was open and a gurney was pushed in. Very reluctantly, he released Carolyn, watching as she pulled back, but remained close to his side.

"Okay, Mr. Logan," a cheery nurse said as she slid a needle into his IV. "This is going to make you drowsy."

He reached his hand out, thankful when Carolyn took it.

Carolyn watched on with apprehension as they carefully moved her partner onto the gurney, and she walked with them as they pushed him out of the room.

He looked up, reassured by her presence. He squeezed her hand. "Love you, Carolyn," he murmured.

She leaned down to kiss his head. "I love you too, Mike. And I'll be there when you wake up. I promise." She gently smoothed his hair back, an action they both took great comfort in.

She followed along until they reached the OR, and one nurse gently said, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but you can't go any further."

With obvious reluctance, she kissed Mike softly. "Please... be okay," she whispered, watching as his eyes slid shut. The only answer she received was a gentle squeeze, and she reluctantly released his hand.

"He's in good hands," another nurse promised as they wheeled Mike out of her sight, and she felt, out of her protection. She nodded numbly.

"You can go sit in the waiting room," the nurse said kindly, pointing to an open door a few feet away. "Someone will be there with information as soon as they can."

"Thanks..." The nurse disappeared, and Carolyn turned around, though she didn't go into the waiting room. She couldn't. Her feet carried her somewhere else, and she promised herself that she would be back in an hour, even though she knew that nothing would be known then.

The sunshine warmed her on the outside, but on the inside, she was cold. And only knowing that Mike was okay could warm her again.

TBC...

A/N: I hope that was worth the wait to ya'll, and with any luck, the next chapter won't be so difficult. I had started this with the intentions of Mike needing a heart transplant, but I didn't have it in me to do it to my Mikey. Or do I...?


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